I continue to find myself within the layers that exchange fears for courage and weakness within strength. My misperception of protection is self. I can not self-protect and think that I am allowing God to be my protector. Nor can I look to another to provide my covering. 
This mindset only withholds me from experiencing further freedom, which in turn halts a testimony waiting to pierce the heart of another for the glory of God. 
I desire to dive deeper, to swim within the depths of Your heart. Letting those very rhythms consume me. I want to be so engaged and intertwined with You that I no longer see myself nor the circumstances that surround me. 
Letting go

of yourself,

frees yourself,

from you.

“I’m trying, God.” “I’m doing my best, God.” “Why do I keep going in circles, God?” 

When we see our situations as we see them and not as God sees them, we will continue to run in those same circles that appear to take on different directions yet continues to take us back to where we started. Come out of your tunnel vision. 
We visualize the life that we desire or feel that we should be entitled. Just because the word of God says to delight yourself in Him and He will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4), does not mean that you are entitled. It means that as we grow in relationship with Him, we exchange our thoughts for His thoughts, our ways for His ways, our words for His words (Isaiah 55:8). His desires become our desires, and our perspectives change as we no longer see through our eyes because we have the ability to see through the manifestation of the holy spirit. 

I’m not that girl. 

So, how is it that I serve such a faithful God and yet I can be so FAITHLESS?! I am human. I am flawed. I am a hot mess sometimes!

Just because I’ve written a book that has been quite successful in a short period doesn’t make me a human being who doesn’t face adversities. Just because I speak words of edification doesn’t mean that I am without my issues. I am not that girl. I have not completely conquered my insecurities. I have not yet arrived at a place of perfection (I’m still alive).

I’ve just experienced my faithlessness at it’s finest. I have an upcoming speaking engagement, and my books weren’t due to arrive until two days AFTER I’m scheduled to speak. All kinds of thoughts entered my mind. Perhaps I am not supposed to go. Maybe I should just give up. Ok, so I will go but only with a handful of books. What is THAT going to look like?! Tacky!

After totally bombing in the faith department, my books will now arrive three days BEFORE I need them! The celebration did not come without a lesson attached. See, though I’m flawed, I’m still “tight” with my Creator. Jesus is truly my everything. Here was the lesson of correction for me. “Those written words are MY words. You are MY vessel. I am the Potter, you, my child, are the clay.”

Needless to say, this has absolutely NOTHING to do with British Aaliyah, but EVERYTHING to do with the glory and honor of God. I’m not impacting lives nor am I igniting hearts, I’m just doing my best to remain close, obedient, and real with my Heavenly Father.

I always want to be a reminder that, “I’m NOT that girl.” I am no better than you nor any less than you. 

There are certainly areas of our lives where we have experienced redemption, and there is no reason to return. Be wise. What is unwise is expecting perfection of yourself and others. As a Christian, you find the Perfect within the imperfect. The perfect One is Jesus Christ.

I continue to receive blessings from some of the most amazing people. Though my sense of independence can get in the way, God teaches me the importance of community and relationship. Those times when we are overwhelmed with loneliness, feeling as though no one cares or sees our heart, He’s there. If we allow ourselves to be loved, even just an inkling, God reveals His heart in His way and many times it’s through a parent, sibling, friend, or even the homeless that we may not take the time to entertain. Not only do we miss our blessing, but we also miss a God-honoring testimony that will bless another. Be open to love, be open to receive.